Gen's blog post: the right person

A nice article for the married, soon to be married, and waiting to be married... Food for thought and in the words of Fr. Pedro Arrupe, SJ:

THE RIGHT PERSON?

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, "How do I know if I married the right person?"

I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, "It depends. Is that your husband?" In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?" Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's
weighing on your mind. Here's the answer.

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love... because it's happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about the imagery of that __expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU. Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience.

But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, church, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the expression "the labor of love." Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage. Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your
relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable...you can "make" love.

Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"... not just a feeling.

"And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." (Romans 8:28)

Zoochosis

Remember the movie Madagascar? The movie starts off with the main cast going about their normal lives (or so they thought) in the zoo with human-like creature comforts. Now if that were the case, then zoos would be the best place for animals to move into. In reality, they are what they are – caged animals. And as a result, they get edgy, lose their natural survival skills – their animal instinct, and become domesticated. No different from the pets that we keep in our homes. And this is what the latest ad campaign of the People for Ethical Treatment of Animals – PETA – Asia-Pacific strives for: awareness.

Top models Borgy Manotoc & Ornusa Cadness together with ace photographer Xander Angeles, indie film luminary Dante Mendoza for set design, Gene Testa for body art, stylist Leo Posadas, & the creative team of Jimenez Basic Advertising have put together an exciting ad which will be released later in the year that will surely raise awareness in the metro.

Zoos have been a staple in the itinerary for school trips & a research spot for animal lovers. Sad thing is most visitors only spend a moment in viewing these animals. There isn’t much interaction. We also need to be aware that these animals were taken from their natural habitats, torn away from their families & put on display for our amusement. Not an attractive lesson to teach little tykes who frequent the animal cages for a few seconds of “ooohs and aaahhs”.

What we don’t see is the depression that zoo animals suffer after long periods of confinement. Zoochosis is what behaviorists call the mental illness caused by the stress of captivity. And they can range from a simple behavior such as pacing back & forth-as a sign of frustration to move around; to self-mutilation such as tail-biting, head-bashing & leg-chewing. Other behaviors would be biting the bars, licking the walls/bars, bobbing their heads up & down repeatedly, unnatural twisting & rolling of neck, over-grooming to the point of having bare patches & vomiting. These are caused by enforced idleness, loss of home or “natural habitat”, loss of normal social groups and extensive loneliness. PETA hopes to educate everyone of the sad fate that the animals are in and will vie for the closure of zoos for there are other possible ways of admiring wildlife without harming the animals.

Borgy & Ornusa were dressed as tigers, one of the most sought after animals, and simply gazed at the photographers holding a placard that read: “Even the Wildest Animals Don’t Belong in Zoos.” Standing off to one side, it was exactly what you would see in a zoo. People admiring the animals, but not really caring how they really feel. After some time, Borgy had to ask for a few seconds to adjust his pose since he got weary. The photographers never stopped clicking their cameras away. The models had to be escorted off just so they can rest, since the shooting wouldn’t stop. Animals couldn’t really beg to rest for awhile, can they? Just a thought…

After the photo opportunity with Borgy & Ornusa, PETA had a vegan buffet spread out for the press. In line with their better-treatment for animals, this was surely a subtle hint of their mission in this world. Jamie Alarcon, one of the contacts for this event, mentioned that Borgy & Ornusa were considered the ad because they exude that free-spirited aura that animals have. That life is to be enjoyed with the freedom to roam the world and discover its beauty. Not in a man-made habitat with bars & glass. And it also helps that they both believe in the cause. They do feel that animals are being overlooked & mistreated, especially in 3^rd world countries where there isn’t much funds to properly take care & feed the animals. “Zoos are a business”, Borgy quips. “They make money by exploiting animals.”

This was definitely an eye-opener for me, and I am sure that PETA will be successful in their endeavor, given the right support & exposure.

9/11

September 11 will always be a special day for me. Coz its my birthday!! Hehehe! This year, I maximized the celebration, by taking a leave from everything, which I haven't done in ages!

sept 10 - greenbelt - night out with Ponj
9pm - greenbelt - dinner at Oody's
past 10pm - foozball, house of the dead, air hockey at Timezone
11:20pm-1:20am - watched You Me & Dupree

sept 11 - i turn 28! (haha!)
1:20am-past 3am - hung out with Ponj [i love having conversations with him!]
around 4:30am - picked up a gift from my officemates -- a cute doggie that they named Ponchi [hmmm.. i wonder why?]
5:30am - home ... answered birthday emails & YMs

6:30am - 9:30am - sleep
9:30am - Jaws pops over [ditches work, haha!] and hangs out with me... we compare love notes...
1:30pm - Jaws & I watched Monster House

4:30pm - Cafe Breton with Mum & Ronna, we haven't laughed so hard in a long time!! talked about our short term life plans...

8:30pm - greenbelt - dinner with Ponj (sigh!) at Good Earth
10pm - road trip to LB
midnight - back home :)

sept 12 - continuity
7am - post bday breakfast with officemates
9pm-early morn - Satellite, Cubao - karaoke with Nardi, Dale & Aj!
Highest score of the night:98% wahahaha!

sept 13 - last hurrah
1pm - PETA event with Vannie
3pm - received a gift from Ponj [luv the jacket!] thank you!!
4:30pm-630pm - Sugarhouse - get-together with Joan & Miko

I haven't had fun like this in ages. Thanks to all who greeted. And thanks to those who spent it with me :) You have made my day(s) memorable! Mwah!!

twentysomething job

“TO THE JOBS THAT PAY THE RENT!!!” four friends toasted to this statement in one of the scenes from “the Devil wears Prada”. I actually caught myself muttering the same thing after them. At this point in my life, the mid-twenties, am I where I am supposed to be? And am I headed in the right direction?

I had grand dreams of producing music videos & shooting commercials. In a funny twist of fate, I actually starred in a music video for a friend’s music video proposal & assist in the making of 2 TV commercials. Not the exact place where I wanted to be, but close enough.

For the past years, me & my friends have been contemplating on the jobs that we go into. Looking back, I rarely see people in the jobs that they thought they’d end up in. Take my sister for example, an English-Lit graduate. Writes the wittiest articles I have ever read. She is a born stage performer in the realm of dance. And yet, is happily serving as an executive assistant for a pastor in her fellowship. One of my best friends is an Occupational Therapy graduate. He holds the possibility of earning lots of dollars enough to firmly establish himself abroad, just like what his nurse-sister is doing. But with a natural flair for sports & creativity, stumbled upon a coaching job for ice skating and has been doing it for the past 5 years. Me, I have actually been a jack-of-all-trades type of guy. When I meet people & they ask me what I do, they are surprised that I have a myriad of odd jobs. I never imagined I’d become an event host, a photographer, an ice skating choreographer/spinning instructor, a purchasing officer for a ship chandelling company or a call center quality control officer. Many people thought I should be a comedian, be in theatre or on TV. Hasn’t happened yet, hehe.

There are two paths when it comes to careers. The happy & the responsible. I am not claiming however that choosing one would mean the lack of the other. The percentage of each aspect varies with each choice though. And at any age, the choice will change. Some people choose to get a job, any job, at the start of their adult life. To be the responsible one & propel themselves with their own wings. Others find themselves in a job that is like play. Most of these, however, pay like play money too. A select few pay their dues before they move on to the targeted job. For a while that’s how it stays.

And in time, the change of heart commences. People shift from the happy job to the more responsible one. It is brought along by different factors, but mostly because of the want for a better life. Creature comforts. And usually, it brings forth a dragging sensation to the person. It is literally a job. Most of the time, one chants that it’s worth the money… sad. An end to justify the means. And when a person takes on a responsible job first, they burn out quicker; thus, the need to move onto greener pastures (aka happy), even if that pasture is the only thing that there is and nothing more, just pasture that’s greener.

Restless creatures that we are, even the happiest jobs seem to wear us down. I guess I’m just airing out the idea that everyone wants more out of anything. A promotion. Better benefits. Lesser travels. More personal time. At the end of the day, is the job or a career that defines who we are & what we’ve done with our lives? Do we want to live up to the point that our jobs are our life?

For me, life comes first. A job supports us to live the life that we want. But it is us ultimately, that makes the choice if our work becomes our life, or it is our life that we work for to make it better