Does He Have the Concept of Forever?

One friday afternoon over lunch, I was startled by this question that Jaws, one of my bestfriends, asked me of my boyfriend. Not because she was questioning his loyalty nor his personality; but she asked out of care & concern. You see, at our age, which is entering the 30s (if not in it), the matter of settling down is now a conscious idea. Unlike a decade ago when we treat it with giddyness & childish awe. Add that to the unique build of relationships that I am in & it will really set my best friend off.

It hasn't been an easy ride to get to where I am. I've had too many mistakes that I had lost my faith in finding a sane partner, let alone a sane relationship.

Jaded? A bit yes.

Scared? Undeniably.

In my side of reality, you cannot find a legal document nor a ceremony that can bind 2 men together just anywhere. The sensitivity of this issue makes it just available in places where it is accepted by most, if not all, the members of that particular area's society. And how many areas are we speaking of? A small number.

Recognize now the fleeting nature of how relationships have become. Most especially for our kind. I remember when a friend of mine broke it off with his boyfriend at the exact date of their 1st month for going clubbing. Now, remember that in our world, our clubs are far more predatory in the sense that you are considered single regardless if you have a partner or not when you step in. Alcohol is one viable excuse, citing intoxication. At the onset of the relationship, my friend asked that they avoid going clubbing. His ex still went. Without permission. Twice. The respect for the relationship was not there. So when they broke it off, I'm guessing the ex is off in search for new beau. Easy as that. I'm not entirely certain if the phrase "there are many fish in the sea" is meant to pacify or scare the wits out of romantics. One point of view will ease the minds of the broken hearted. It is a very comforting thought for those in search of a partner. However, another facet to this is that we can EASILY replace people in our lives. I certainly do not sit well with that! Apparently, a lot of other people subscribe to it. To tie this together with my bestfriend's question, it does ask if my partner understands the permanence aspect needed for this relationship to propel forward.

Sometimes those 2 things stack up against the odds of relationships like mine in terms of longevity. Compared to straight couples who seem to have more success since it has been an established practice. I am not discounting the fact there are succesful gay partnerships as well as many failed straight relationships. In these days, its hard to tell.

I do remember my words when I first gushed about this new and promising relationship to another bestfriend Cathy. I was then very guarded, having experienced almost every type of emotional pain there is to fathom in past & wrong relationships. Jaded version of me, remember? I did tell her I am going to take this a day at a time. Enjoy it. My happiness is now also under my control. I was afraid that Jaws would then wag her finger at me asking me to be careful of my choice this time. All I said in my defense was "Relax! I'm not gonna marry him tomorrow!!! haha!!!" I can't blame her for being overprotective. I've cried to her countless times kasi. What I believe Jaws is trying to find for me, is someone who can be there for the long haul.

That even if it is a little too early to tell, it would be nice to know that he understands where I am and what I now need in a relationship.

At six months, he is already my longest relationship (backtrack to fleeting relationships paragraph...), since my exes LOVED playing around & I would discover their playmates by the 2nd month.

Within the six months, I have experienced a lot of new emotions & responsibilities coupled by its different shades & hues. I can say that we are still the same, yet also a little different. That I am still happy. That we have grown. Together.

I now understand his temper better. He acknowledges my sensitive nature.

I cook, he washes. Or the other way around.

That his frustrations are made known to me. And mine are made known to him.

Even in his sleep he strokes my back when I experience a coughing fit.

That if I am fifteen minutes late in arriving home, he goes looking out for me.

He lets me be when I'm on the warpath. But knows when it is time to grab me & calm me down.

There is sincerity in his apologies.

There is a genuine emotion in his gaze

He sees me for who I am. Something that my closest friends can only do.

I remember answering Jaws' question with a yes. Not as strongly as I should have answered, maybe because I had never given it much thought since I am just enjoying what I have. But when I look back at everything we've experienced, I can strongly & confidently say that the answer is yes.